So, its exactly a month to my twenty tenth birthday celebration :) Not sure what happened or how it happened but the "dreaded" number is fast approaching and I'm.... excited!
Its like, I get a chance to take all the lessons - I forgot as a baby, the ones I ignored in my teens, all the lessons I was forced to learn and re-learn in my twenties - and bring them into this new decade I'm about to face.
The funny thing about lessons is, life keeps repeating them until you get it... And every time they have to be repeated, the situation gets a little tougher. I'll give you an example..
In my quest to find that "one" job or career that will keep me happy, I have moved from major to major (pre-med to biomedical engineering to communications.. etc) after graduating, I found my niche - in film and music, and I loved it! Had my own business and just had fun but to everyone it felt like I was playing around (my work was play but I never played with my work) When things got a little tough - recession hit and money got tight- Everyone had a opinion about the mini financial crisis I found myself and for the first time, I stopped listening to my gut (and I have a big one that you cant ignore.. okay body issues arising..gotta suppress it..) and started to listening everybody else. I moved away from what I loved, once in a while in a desperate attempt to find that "feeling" I'd pick up projects with people and end up getting burned. With my head bent in shame I'd have to go back to the wagging tongues and their "i told you so's"
This cycle kept repeating itself over and over again. I'd lose more money and a little bit of my self-esteem was chipped away. Then I just got sick of it, sick of it hurting me and my relationships (my close ones were deeply affected by the repercussions of my failures - explain later) and I swear, my neck was starting to hurt from all the head bending!
So one day, actually June 1st, 2012... I decided I'd worked on my last "hired" job as a writer, producer,or director for anyone. The last project I did, The Black Widow, had such potential but due to the Executive Producer's shortsightedness, I'm sure it will be... what it is (if that makes any sense to you).
I can make my own money and try out my shit, if it doesn't work, okay.. move on. But I'll be damned if another "hollywood/nollywood" hack was going to make me feel like I had to answer to their stupid ass questions.. I could've gone with better terms than "stupid- ass" and "shit" but sometimes these terms, as vulgar as they might seem, can convey the intended message without any misunderstanding.
After making that decision, I set goals for myself... I went back to the work force (Yes, a 9 - 5) and started saving up a storm. Man, I am so thrifty, its ridiculous! But once in a while, when I feel like splurging, I go out to the club and do the bigz girl thingz (I don't work this hard to sit in general and sip on drink specials... VIP and Moet, baby!!) Once in a while... :)
Where was i? Ahh, yes, goals... I set an amount I'd like to have for my next project (I'd like to start shooting mini web series just to help me test the market), and.... crap! I have to get back to work, a patient walked in with a bunch of sebaceous cysts and guess who gets to lance them?!